What makes an average looking guy instantly become “hot”?

If you talk to any number of super hot girls and approach them, you will start to see one thing over and over – she is going to test you. If you fail these tests, you will not not hook up with her. Period. You will join the piles of men she’s had to reject because they weren’t confident enough.
The GOOD news is, that there is a way to pass these tests nearly 100% of the time.

Most really hot girls’ tests are enough to make men run away with their tails between their legs. If you know the technique to passing, then you are going to be in the VERY small percentage of guys who make it through her defenses and are actually a sexual candidate.


If you don’t know this one secret technique, you will fail these tests and never gain entrance into the world of attracting and sleeping with truly beautiful women.

These tests can be one of two types: compliance tests or congruence tests. Today, we are talking about compliance tests. First, let me explain a bit more about these tests and WHY hot women NEED them.

A compliance test is an act or a statement that checks to see if you are going to do whatever she wants. If you comply, she will have gained control over the conversation, the interaction, and you. It seems like they want you to fail these tests so they have the power, right?

Fortunately, that is not the case. When women give compliance tests, they really do want you to pass them. It is their way of filtering out a truly confident, attractive guy from the rest. It may sound strange, but beautiful women honestly can’t just look at a guy an say “he’s good looking, therefore he’s attractive.” They need much more because they are approached by so many different types of guys. A really attractive girl will get hit on 10-15 times A DAY.

That’s 3,650 times a year (conservatively) that an attractive woman is hit on. She will start to see patterns in the ways guys behave if they are actually confident or not, and that has nothing to do with looks.

The compliance test is really a test to see whether or not they’re going to be able to get away with whatever they want. Why you want to test this? Well, they want to find out whether or not you’re used to beautiful women hitting on you or whether or not you’re used to being with beautiful women.

This is a very crucial concept. If you are used to being with beautiful women, you will not bend over backwards for a beautiful woman just because she wants something. Instead, you will respond in a way that sort of puts the compliance back on her.

Beautiful women are guaranteed to give you compliance tests and if you fail the compliance tests, you are guaranteed not to attract them. So it’s very crucial that you learn this.

How do you recognize compliance tests? Basically, look for any demand that she gives you within a short time of meeting that seems small, but gets you to follow.
One very classic compliance test is “buy me a drink.”

Women go for throat here when you’re in the bar because they don’t have a whole lot of time to figure out who is attracted and who is confident, who’s not. How you respond to “buy me a drink” is very crucial when you’re in a bar. Don`t forget you can find a lot of cool "test" guides on best free hookup sites.

There are other small things like “why don’t you wait here while I go to the bathroom.” or “give me a kiss on the cheek” or even “will you take a picture for us?”

Anything that seems kind of harmless is typically a compliance test especially if it’s from a really beautiful woman and you don’t want to deny the compliance test, what you want to do is take control over it and add your own terms.

For example, if someone says, “Take our pictures.” Then you will say, “okay, I will but I want you to take one picture for you and one picture of how I ask you to take it.” So if they refused to do this, and you go, “Alright, well find some other guy.”

You will actually find some other guy to take the camera and say, “Hey man, can you take their picture?” And you just have them take your picture.
But usually they will say okay fine, you take the picture and you go “okay, now I want you to give me a sexy look.” Then take their picture. “Okay now, make a silly face”, take a picture. And continue to make them do different pictures as long as you can think of them.

Essentially what you’re doing now is you are getting compliance from them. This is crucial. This is called flipping the script and you will hear a lot about this. Flipping the script is one of the most powerful things that you can do to a woman that you don’t know and it will create a massive amount of intrigue and a massive amount of attraction that will be built.

So from now on, know and recognize when women is giving you a compliance test. Don’t stop and don’t reject the compliance test. Add your own terms.

When you start doing this, you are going to see the truly beautiful women in the bar start to treat you in a completely different way. You can actually watch other guys approach, get shot down and see it ruin their nights as you can easily navigate the sea of compliance tests and come out looking like a rockstar, making her more and more attracted to you since you’re the kind of guy who won’t just do exactly what she wants.

This is one of the “Sexual Triggers” that drive beautiful women wild. The rest of them are revealed in this presentation:

Watch this presentation ←- Discover “stealthy” attraction secrets

How to make out with a girl in 40 seconds or less – for real

If you’ve ever seen a guy in a bar walk up to a girl he didn’t know and make out with her almost immediately, it can be a completely mind-blowing experience. It may seem like it’s magical or out of reach – a special ability or super-power that someone is born with.

But it’s not. And it can be broken down into a few simple steps you can follow in order to make the same thing happen for you. In this article, I’m going to break down those steps.

The first step is to realize that about 90% of the difference between someone who’s really good with women and someone who’s not so good or mediocre with women, is the ability to spot a woman who’s ready to make out.

I know it sounds kind of crazy at first, but it’s true. If you walk into a bar and go up to any woman without knowing what signs to look for, your odds of success go WAY down.

You must know how to spot that woman who’s already in this “make-out ready” state, so you can walk up and be “that guy.”

Don’t buy into the myth that women don’t want this to happen.

Women are as sexual (if not more sexual) than guys are. Most of the time, this “turbo” make-out session never happens, because so many guys are afraid to go for it. And when this doesn’t happen, the girls end up going home alone or worse.. staying being kind of mean to a lot of guys in the bar/being resentful and angry because no one’s approaching them.

By putting this technique into practice, You want to discover how to see the women who you’re able to make out with in 40 seconds or less in the first place.

There are a few excellent indicators that will (especially in a bar atmosphere) tell you if a woman is game, or ready for an instant make-out session.

What To Look For

The first indicator is a woman looking down often. When a woman looks down often, she is accessing her emotions.

Let me explain… When we look in different directions, we access different parts of our brain. These are called “Eye Accessing Cues.” When a woman is in a bar setting and looking down, she’s accessing her emotional brain.

If she makes eye contact with you, looks down then back up again, she’s saying: “I have an emotional response to you looking at me and I’m looking down.” And if she tilts her head down as well (and doesn’t just use her eyes to look down), she’s physically dropping herself a little bit lower and showing submission.

This gives you the ability to walk up and be the dominant man.

Now, if she looks at you, smiles and doesn’t look away, this could be a lot more difficult situation. Socially, she’s meeting you head on, and not showing immediate submission.

Women who you’re going to be able to walk up to and make out with in 40 seconds or less should automatically take the submissive role as a woman. That’s one quality which shows you’ll be able to quickly make out with her.

Another quality is that she’s actively looking around to make eye contact. This is crucial. A woman who is engaged with someone specifically and she’s not looking away is not going to be as easy to seduce in 40 seconds or less. It’s going to take much longer.

Again, you’re going to have to play a totally different kind of game when you walk up. You can’t just walk up and make out with her.

So instead, if you see a woman who is in a conversation but she’s constantly looking around and trying to make eye contact with a lot of people, this is probably a very, very likely opportunity for you and that’s a woman you can walk up to and immediately become sexual with.

Other traits are revealed in the way they’re moving and how they’re dressed. Let’s say she’s standing with her feet about shoulder-width apart. It’s less likely that a woman standing like this is going to be available for you to walk up and dominate. That’s because she’s standing in a dominant position, with stronger body language and she’ll probably be a lot more resistant.

Instead, you want to find a woman who takes up less space. She has her legs closer together and seems to be outside of a group, looking around a little bit.

Another thing is the way she’s dressed. If she’s dressed in a way that’s super flashy and attracting lots of attention, she probably isn’t the kind of girl you can walk up to and make out with in 40 seconds.

This kind of women is looking for attention – not for someone to dominate them. What you want is someone who’s in between “I don’t care” and “Stare at my tits, bitch!” Somewhere between wearing sweatpants with an elastic waistband to the bar and done up really, really beautiful and sexy with a really low-cut shirt. You want to find someone who’s in between those two extremes.

A lot of women who are on vacation fall into this realm. They don’t want to over dress or under dress, and don’t know how the bar atmosphere is going to be. They’ll usually come in open-minded, and start looking around trying to make connections. This is an excellent situation for you (and her, of course).

That’s what to look for and how you spot her in the first place. If you see some of those, you want to watch her for a second. If you think that she is the kind of person you can walk up to and do this, then proceed.

If not, I’d actually suggest you proceed anyway, just to see what happens.

Next, right after you get that done and you’ve seen your girl (there are probably three or four of these girls in a bar at any given moment) you’re going to walk up and start the scary part.

What To Do

This is where the most powerful kind of frame control comes in. It’s very, very important that you understand how to control someone else’s frame if you want to come across like you’re a pro at this.

By “frame,” I basically mean their “reality.” You’re controlling what they experience. You have to be able to stay in control of that experience in order to really bring her to the level where she feels comfortable making out with you immediately.

I’m going to give you a very quick, punchy, fast way of doing this. I’ll explain as quick as possible; that way you can go straight out and try it…

Here’s what I would say, word-for-word… Walk up to a girl, when you get up to her and right when she makes eye contact with you, I want you to SLOWLY put your finger up by your lips and say this, “Shhh…”

Then slow your speech pattern down and deepen your vocal tonality. And immediately say, “Wait just one moment.”

You can also say, “Stop for one minute.” I suggest using a bit of NLP here. Whenever someone hears “stop,” “wait,” or “don’t,” they immediately register whatever comes after that.


So if I say, “Don’t think of a black cat,” what do you do? Immediately, you think of a black cat and whatever version of one you have in your head.

So if I said, “Don’t try to make out with me,” or “Don’t make out with me right now,” girls are going to be consciously hearing, “Don’t make out with me,” but their subconscious minds will be hearing, “Make out with me right now!”

You’re attempting to sort of use real-life Inception to get making-out with you to be HER idea. She should be thinking, “I should make out with this guy.”

Now, during frame control you’ll be using a lot of these subconscious triggers in order to get this to go as fast as possible.Please only use this for good. There are lots of evil ways to use this.

Don’t try to seduce women who don’t want to be seduced. Again, that’s one of the reasons why it’s important that you notice a woman who really does want to be seduced by a man.

So to recap so far: you walk up, you put your finger over your lips and you tell her to “Shhh” for a second and then you say a sentence that starts with “don’t” or “wait” or “stop.”

My typical is “Don’t worry… right now.” That’s all I say. And I slow that speech down – “Don’t…worry………. right now.”

Then I go right into the next statement, which is, “You and I are going to have a secret. We’re going to secretly kiss and no one will know.”

And as I’m saying this, I’m leaning in… and you’ll be doing the same when you do it. You’re leaning in ever… so… slowly. At the same time, you’re looking from her eyes down to her lips and back up to her eyes again.

This is called “Triangulating.” Count to three looking at her eyes, then look down to her lips and count to two, look back up and count to three, look down and count to two… etc. Do that about three or four times as you’re talking.

This can be a lot to remember, so you may want to practice it a little bit. I wouldn’t expect you’re going to get it perfect the first time.

So again, you say, “We’re going to have a secret. We’re going to kiss and no one is going to know.” From here on out, you’re really just filling up space with words as you’re leaning in so you’re still controlling the interaction.

So you’re going to very, very slowly, take your right or left hand – whichever one is more accessible – and reach around her back. You won’t pull her in toward you or anything yet, just touch her very lightly.

Signs That It’s Working

Is she looking at your lips? If she’s looking at your lips, you have a green light to go forward. If she’s looking at your eyes, you may want to wait a second, or turn around and turn back again and try it again.

This resets the meter in her mind, so to speak. When you turn around and turn back again, most people consider this to be a fresh start in a conversation. It’s a strange loop-hole in psychology.

For some reason, that’s how we are as humans. When someone turns away then turns back, we give them another chance moving forward. So if you’re getting some resistance, turn around, turn back, smile, and continue. If she gives you resistance again, you probably should back off and find another woman.

If she’s looking at your lips and seems to be very comfortable and excited, then proceed. You’ll move in very closely and speak almost directly into her ear.



In a loud environment like a bar, you’ll want to speak louder, but don’t raise your voice. Make your voice very low so that you have to be very, very close to her ear for her to hear.

Then you’re going to keep talking… What I usually say is, “No one is going to see this. It’s just going to be our little secret. I promise I won’t tell anybody only if you promise that you won’t tell anybody either.”

As I’m saying this into her ear, I make sure that she’s feeling my breath on her neck. So I’m sort of breathing out a little bit more than normal as I’m speaking so she can feel that hot air on her neck.

This usually gets a very visceral, deep, sexual response from women when you do this.

As you’re speaking really close to her ear, you’ll, very slowly, press your cheek against hers as you’re talking. Then you’ll move you head over so that your mouth is closer to hers, and then… you’ll start kissing her.

And if you do this right, you start out with just one soft peck… then go straight into making out. It may not seem like it in this description, but 40 seconds is a long time. This process can happen in a lot less than 40 seconds – I’ve done it in less time, and I’ve seen other guys do it, too.

Practice It

What I want you to do is practice this approach. Maybe go for a minute or two at first, and then get to where you can do this in about 40 (or even 30) seconds.

You won’t use this tactic all the time. But when the opportunity is right, it’s really good to have this in your seduction arsenal. You want to make sure that you have the right kind of tools for the job, so to speak.

Whenever you see a girl who’s in that state and ready to be seduced, if you beat around the bush, engage in small talk or generally waste time, she’ll be turned off and you’ve lost a golden seduction opportunity.

Instead, when you spot this, you want to be able to see her, know that that’s what she wants, go in, and give it to her immediately. This is the major difference between guys who are rock stars at walking up and seducing a woman… and guys who wish that they were great at quickly seducing a woman.

There are a lot of other success factors as well. There are techniques on how to speak with the right tonality… how to touch her that allows her to feel comfortable and doesn’t turn off any of her weird alert switches… specific NLP triggers that you can use to connect and make sure she’s totally in your zone.

What’s taken me from a normal dude to a well-respected dating coach, is knowing a lot of short-cuts like this and knowing when to bring them out. And these short-cuts can also improve your game with women.

Remember these characteristics in women who want to be seduced, and remember – it is possible to make out with a woman in 40 seconds or less.

Discover my other top 3 “Seduction Secrets” in this special video presentation.

Monagomy Vs. Polyamory

Once you’ve built confidence in yourself and the material we’ve
gone over in this book, you’ll start meeting lots of women and you’ll
have to decide whether you want to be with one woman or several
women at the same time. I know that the natural response of most
men will be “Of course I want to be with several women!” but being
a “player” and being polyamorous are two very different things. A
player lies to the women he’s with so that they have no idea he’s
seeing other people. This doesn’t even require actively lying – a
player can easily deceive the women he’s dating without lying outright.

Polyamory, in contrast, means having many relationships at the same
time with the consent of all involved. A lot of guys consider this to
be the holy grail of dating, but it’s not difficult to achieve when you
understand the rules, and you understand why polyamory works and
what the benefits are. To be polyamorous successfully, you must also
be aware of the negative aspects of having open relationships and
know how to tell when polyamorous relationships aren’t going to
work out.

Personally, I feel that you should only be monogamous with someone
when you feel that there’s a chance that you could be in love with
that person. If you can’t see yourself marrying someone after being
with her for a while, then you’re wasting her time and your time by
continuing the relationship.

Let’s talk about serial monogamy for a moment, because serial
monogamy is something that a lot of men and women experience.
A serial monogamist is someone who bounces from relationship to
relationship without ever really finding the person they’re looking
for. They’re single only for short periods of time, and latch on
immediately when they find someone new to be in a relationship

Think of this desperate desire to have a relationship as a race with
hurdles. A relationship is the final hurdle, so to get to it you have to
jump over a lot of other hurdles first. If, like a lot of guys, you’re
too focused on the last hurdle, you won’t clear any of the other ones
because you’re not paying enough attention to them. You won’t even
make it to the last one!

If you go out in search of women who are looking for relationships,
you won’t be able to create attraction, build rapport, have sexual
tension and attraction, and ultimately gain the interest of the woman
that you desire because you’ll be so focused on the end goal that you
will ignore the process. Approaching relationships in this way causes
a great deal of neediness, which is incredibly unattractive to women.

To figure out if monogamy or polyamory is right for you, you must
examine your relationship, in the most honest way possible, and
ask “Is this woman going to have everything necessary to make
me comfortable with being with her for the rest of my life?” This
doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to marry her – it just

means that she has the potential to be the person you choose to
monogamously have a relationship with for the rest of your life.

The perfect woman is not going to appear out of nowhere. If you’re
looking for the perfect woman, you should probably stop reading
this because that’s not how life and relationships work. Instead of
meeting someone who is already the perfect woman, you’re going to
meet someone who wants to become the perfect woman for you.

There are two mentalities when it comes to monogamous and
polyamorous relationships: the abundance mentality and the scarcity
mentality. A person has the abundance mentality when he realizes
that he has lots of options when it comes to the women he dates.
If you don’t feel like you have a lot of options (a side effect of
having limiting beliefs), then you have the scarcity mentality. Many
men have a natural tendency to assume the scarcity mentality, and
as a consequence they think that every woman who is interested in
them might be the last. As you can probably guess, this creates a lot
of unappealing neediness. The neediness will then lead to a man
becoming jealous, territorial, and unattractive. Banish the scarcity
mentality now, or it will ruin every one of your future relationships.

When you are with someone that you want to be with
monogamously, you still need to feel that you have options. Your
mentality should be that you know that you have plenty of options,
but that you have chosen the best one. This is the only way you can
truly trust your judgment. Every decision you make comes from the
mental state you are in when you make it, so where relationships are
concerned you need to make decisions from an abundance mentality.
Otherwise, every decision you make will be influenced by the fear that

you will never find the woman of your dreams. Constantly worrying
that you will never find the right woman will cause you to act in ways
that repulse women, so your fear will become reality.

Believing that you have options – even if you don’t actually see them
– will change your success rate dramatically. When you meet the
woman of your dreams, you need to be in the abundance mental state
so that you feel like you are choosing her over all of the other options
you have.

The first thing you need to do when you meet a woman is decide if
she’s someone you want to be monogamous with or polyamorous
with. To do that, you need to use a system created by Robert
Sternberg, a psychologist who studies relationship psychology and
the psychology of love, in the 1980s. I’m going to use terminology
that’s a little bit different than what he originally used, but the
basic ideas are the same. Sternberg created something called the
triangular theory of love (though I prefer to call it the consummate
love triangle). The consummate love triangle is the idea that three
different things are needed in order for us to fall in love with
someone, and that those three things must be mutual for a healthy
relationship to occur.

Sexual attraction is the first part of the consummate love triangle.
You can easily tell if you do or do not have sexual attraction, so I’m
not going to discuss it here. The second part is logical attraction.
Logical attraction is largely an indicator of logistical issues. Ask
yourself “Does it make complete, logical sense for me to be with
this person?” Does she live in the same city? Is her life direction the
same as mine? Is the timing right? A lack of logical attraction is the

#1 reason relationships don’t work out because most people don’t
recognize that it’s important enough to consider.

The last piece of the consummate love triangle is emotional
attraction. Emotional attraction is the rapport aspect of the
connection that you build with a woman. If your relationship has
two parts of the consummate love triangle but not all three, you are
heading on the path to polyamory.

As far as we know, you will only live once. You cannot afford to
settle for anything less than absolutely perfection. You can never
allow yourself to think “Well, she’s good enough.” Every one of
your relationships must be based on the right things. It’s your job
as a man to make sure that you have emotional, logical, and sexual
attraction with every woman you date seriously.

When you only have two pieces of the triangle, for example
emotional and sexual but not logical, you’re caught in what’s referred
to as hopeless romantic love. Hopeless romantic love feels exactly
like being in consummate love. There’s no emotional difference
between the two, but you will have a nagging feeling in the back
of your head that the relationship isn’t going to work out. For the
relationship to work out, you will have to continuously suppress that
feeling. You will find yourself in a relationship that you know will
not work out simply because it feels good, and that makes you selfish.

The big problem here is that the woman you’re with may not
understand that, and will continue to think that she has everything
you need. In reality, it’s not her job to deal with this issue. As a man
who is playing the male gender role, it’s your job to be in control of
this and to make sure that you maintain the balance.

If your relationship involves logical and sexual attraction, but not
emotional attraction, you have superficial love. Essentially, you’re
in a friends-with-benefits situation. A lot of guys who are afraid
to open up emotionally like this kind of relationship because it
requires no real emotional commitment, but a relationship like this is
polyamorous – it’s not an “in love” relationship.

The potential for monogamy comes when a relationship includes
all three forms of attraction. If all three are not present, or you’re
not willing to create all three, do not be monogamous. Navigating
the world of non-monogamy can be a little tricky – the reality is that
it’s much easier to screw it up than it is to do it correctly – so later
on in this chapter I’m going to share with you some of the rules for
successful polyamory.

To determine if you should be monogamous with a woman or
polyamorous with her, you need to know how to tell the difference
between loving someone and being in love with someone. Most of
you have either said or heard the phrase “I love you, but I’m not in
love with you. The big question that raises is: Is that a legitimate
feeling, or is it just an easy way to get out of a relationship? I
strongly believe that there’s a difference between loving someone and
being in love with them.

Loving someone means that emotional attraction is present in your
relationship with them. It means that you have built rapport. You
trust and have a connection with that person, whether it’s a romantic
connection with a woman you’re interested in or the platonic
connection that you experience with friends and family. You can love
anyone, but you can’t necessarily be in love with anyone.
Being in love with someone means that your relationship with them
possesses all three parts of the consummate love triangle. You have
sexual attraction, emotional attraction (which means that you’ve built
rapport), and you have logical attraction. Logical attraction is the
only corner of the love triangle that you have to supply. It’s your duty
to recognize if something like the timing is off, and to say something
about it.

If you’re missing logical attraction, you have two options: you can
either be a part of the problem, or you can be a part of the solution.
When you notice a lack of logical attraction in a relationship, you
must decide if you want to be with the woman now and not with her
later, or with her later but not with her now. The best chance you
have for a relationship to work out is to not be part of a woman’s
transition, to not be part of what she goes through to become the
person that she wants to be.


If your decision is that you want to be with her later, you need to let
her go so that she can experience everything she needs to experience
and go through her period of transitioning without you. She will get
in touch with you afterwards if she’s still interested in a relationship
with you. You cannot afford to ignore this when you’re with a
woman, and you cannot afford to act like a child in a relationship. A
little boy will never be able to be polyamorous, but most men who
attempt polyamory act as if they are. You absolutely cannot be a little
boy and a badass at the same time.

To be a badass, you need to recognize what kind of love you have.
If you’re caught up in hopeless romantic love and don’t have logical
attraction, you need to have a chat with the woman you’re dating.
Let her know that things are not going to work out in the long
run, that you’re together for the moment because it feels good and
because you can learn from each other. If your relationship has
logical and sexual attraction, better known as superficial love, let the
woman know that as well. Without that information, she might start
becoming emotionally attracted because she thinks that you have
emotional attraction for her, and allowing her to think that when you
know it isn’t true is selfish, misleading, and deceitful. A badass always
takes responsibility for the outcome of his relationships.

The decision to be polyamorous or monogamous needs to come
from searching for the missing corner of the triangle. Go through
a checklist in your head to determine which one might be missing.
Determining if you have sexual attraction is easy. If the answer is
yes to questions like “Do I feel like I’m really close to her?” and “Do
we feel love for each other?” you have emotional attraction. The
last question to ask is “Does this relationship make complete sense
for me?” When you ask yourself this question, if you find yourself
answering “no” for even a split second and then rationalizing that
answer afterwards, you have to face the fact that your relationship is
lacking logical attraction.

It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you’re in – no kind of
relationship is “wrong” while another kind is “right” – as long as
you’re open about it with the person you’re dating. You or the
woman you’re with will naturally start to feel a drive to add a missing
piece of the triangle if you start to get involved too much, so the
sooner you can recognize if you’re in a consummate love relationship
or a polyamorous relationship, the better.
If you decide your relationship is the latter, there are a set of rules
you must abide by in order to make the relationship successful. The
first, and sometimes hardest, rule is no jealousy. You cannot be jealous
of her, and she cannot be jealous of you. You have to be happy for
her if one day she tells you that she met a man who is better for her.
I know that sounds hard, but if you’re unable to be happy for her in
that situation, it means that you are insecure and feel insignificant,
and therefore are not ready to be polyamorous. The woman needs to
feel like you are helping her to find the perfect man, since you cannot
be the perfect man for her. Until you each find your ideal mates, you
must help each other to do so and learn everything you can from
each other along the way.

The second rule for polyamorous relationships is that you must have
selfless satisfaction. Having selfless satisfaction means that whenever
she is happy, you are happy, and that whenever she is unhappy, you
are unhappy as well (and vice versa). This rule for happiness applies
to both the short term and the long term, which essentially means
that you must leave a woman better than you found her. That should
be your mantra if you are planning to be polyamorous.

One of the most important rules for polyamory is that you must tell
women that you are polyamorous very early on in your acquaintance.
Before you make out with a woman, before you sleep with her, and
before you’ve built rapport and trust with her, she needs to know,
because finding out later will make her feel like she has been used,
and that you are untrustworthy.

Don’t be afraid that telling a woman that you’re polyamorous will scare
her away. If you have an abundance mentality, that will not happen.
Of all the women I’ve said this to, only two never ended up dating
me in one form or another – and believe me, as a professional
relationship expert, I’ve said this to a lot of women! In the beginning
of my studies, I found that telling women about my polyamory early
on was usually the deciding factor in whether or not our relationship
was successful.

The fourth rule is that you cannot lead women on. You must end
your relationship with a girl if you know that things are not going
to work out with her. Constantly reinforce the idea that you are not
ultimately going to be the man for the women you are polyamorous
with so that they don’t start to think you’re in a consummate love
relationship when you’re not.

Rule number five is that you must help your polyamorous partners
grow and find their long-term mates. Help them to become
more than what they currently are. After a woman has dated you
polyamorously, she should think that she is closer to finding her
perfect man because of you.

The next rule is that you must let her go at some point – you cannot
hold on to her forever. You both should enter a polyamorous
relationship knowing that you are together only temporarily, so if she
finds a man who is better for her than you are, you must encourage
that relationship.

The final rule for successful polyamory is that you must sexually
validate your partners. That might mean sleeping with them, or it
might just mean making them feel sexy. However you go about it, the
end goal is making her feel wanted and desired as a woman.

The announcement that you are polyamorous is bound to provoke
a few questions. The number one question I’m asked is “What does
that mean?” The technical answer is that “poly” means “many”
and “amory” means “love,” so together they mean “many loves”
or having multiple lovers at the same time. It’s also important that,
when you explain this to a woman, she understands that everyone
involved with you knows that you are seeing multiple people and
that they are all ok with it. Out of all the different methods I’ve
experimented with to answer the “What is polyamory?” question, this
is the most powerful.

There are a few other questions you’re likely to get when you bring up
the subject of polyamory, so check out the members’ area if you’re
interested in more information on how to discuss the topic.

The most valuable thing you need to take away from all of this is
that you must kill the serial monogamist inside of you. Only date
someone if you know you want to be with them, otherwise you’re
wasting her time and yours. A badass does not lead women on. All
you accomplish by dating a woman you know you’re not the perfect
man for is making it harder for the guy who is her perfect man to
find her. There are plenty of women to go around – you don’t need
to horde them all! So look out for your fellow men and make it easier
for them to find the women of their dreams.

Escaping the Friend Zone

Have you ever been forced into the friend zone by a woman you were
really attracted to? Have you ever wanted to force a woman into the
friend zone because you weren’t attracted to her? The friend zone is
surprisingly easy to control, but most men aren’t able to because they
make the same mistakes over and over again.

Falling into the friend zone is almost always an accident, but
unfortunately it’s an accident that’s very difficult to recover from.
A man who is a badass with women has learned how to guide
interactions so that he will never just be a friend unless he wants
to. In this chapter, I’m going to teach you everything you need to
know to keep yourself out of the friend zone, and if you ever find
yourself in a situation where you want to force a woman into it –
because you’re not attracted to her, perhaps, or because you’re in
a relationship – you can do so fairly easily by simply not doing the
things you’re going to learn here.

When a woman starts using “we” verbiage, calls you “a good
friend,” or says things like “I’m glad you’re around,” you’re seeing
the beginning signs of being placed into the friend zone. Even
though they indicate that the process has just started, it’s already too
late to pull yourself out of it. There is only one way to potentially
remove yourself from the friend zone, but you must risk everything
– including the platonic friendship – to make it happen. You’re much
better off knowing how to stay out of the friend zone in the first

Humans use their extraordinarily intelligent subconscious minds
to judge people almost instantly after meeting them. We gather
all of the information available to us about someone, and form an
impression of that person based on what we learn from it. When
a woman looks at you for the first time, she decides immediately
if you’re the kind of man who talks to a lot of people, or the kind
of man who introduces himself to strangers. She assesses whether
or not you’re a man who would buy her a drink, or who would be
good to bring home to her mother. In the first few moments, she
will make as many decisions about you as she possibly can with the
information given to her. This is why it’s essential that your default
mode is one that encourages your success later on in the interaction.

Ask yourself now if you’re the kind of guy – or, more correctly, if
you’re giving off signals that you’re the kind of guy – who naturally
touches everyone casually. If you’re not that guy already, you’re going
to need to become him. The reason this is so important is a concept
referred to as a touch gap. Think of the touch gap like this: when you
first meet a woman, there is a little crack in the ground between you.
As you communicate with her without touching her, the crack grows
larger until it becomes a crevice that you must leap to get over. If you
continue to build rapport without touching her, it becomes a massive
canyon that you can’t cross. You’ll have to walk away, give the situation
time to reset, and then return later – months, maybe even years, later.
Obviously, that is not an effective strategy. The only way to defeat
the friend zone is never to fall into it. So why does it happen? A
man falls into the friend zone A) Because he does not bridge the
touch gap, and B) Because he builds rapport at the appearance of the
first, tiny glimmer of interest from a woman. Many men, especially
those who are new to learning this subject, tend to blow their chances
with women by doing too much too quickly. Men who aren’t used to
thinking of themselves as attractive to women tend to be needy, and
pursue women too strongly when they’ve shown only minor signs of
interest. Trying to build rapport too early in an interaction is a huge
error that will land you in the friend zone.

You might spend two hours at a bar connecting with a woman,
discussing art, literature, philosophy, and find yourself stuck in the
friend zone afterwards because you failed to escalate. Combining
poorly timed rapport building with a failure to bridge the touch gap
will destroy your chances all together.

Scared yet? Don’t be. There is a system for escalation that every man
can learn. You may have noticed that certain cultures seem to breed
Don Juans – the French, for example, and the Italians – who are
intensely successful with women, particularly American women. This
happens because they come from cultures in which people naturally
touch each other a great deal. They touch parents, friends, strangers
– everyone! – because it is customary in their society in a way that
it is not in ours. Women tend to accept this increased amount of
touching when they find out that a man is from one of these cultures,
and all of a sudden, he has a free pass to do whatever he wants to!
He will be able to escalate more quickly than men who are not from
traditionally touchy cultures.
Fortunately for you, you do not have to be Italian or French to
successfully escalate an interaction with a woman. When you meet a
random girl in a bar, she is not judging you based on your nationality;
she judges you based on how you’re acting. If, from the very
beginning, you act like you touch a lot, she will accept that that’s a
part of your personality. It’s just who you are. She will think of you
in the same way that she thinks of a man who is from a culture that
frequently physically engages with other people.

Don’t expect a group of people who knew you before you started
studying this to accept this new part of you immediately, because
they’ve already made their judgments about you. When they met
you, you were not the kind of guy who naturally touched people.
Changing your behavior can often lead to very adverse reactions from
people you already know – they might even try to cut you out of their
lives or keep you from growing – but don’t be discouraged. If you
find yourself in this situation, there’s really nothing you can do to fix
it. You must simply have the courage to leave it behind, secure in the
knowledge that your self-improvement is more important than people
who are trying to stunt your growth.

When you have become confident in the mindset that you are a man
who touches people, you’re ready to learn how to use the system
for touch escalation to your advantage. How do you do it? What
happens if you screw it up? How do you know you’re doing it well?
How do you learn to make it natural instead of a conscious effort?
Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that touch
escalation will only work if you touch with the proper mentality, at
the proper time.

If you don’t touch with the proper mentality, even if you do so at
the proper time, you will come across as trying to move too quickly
or trying to move too slowly. You need to touch differently based
on what phase of the map of interaction you are in at the moment,
so review that chapter of the book if you need a bit of a refresher.
During attraction, you must have the mentality of a boy. During
rapport, you must have the mentality of a friend. And during
seduction, you must have the mentality of a man. I’m leaving out
relationship balance for the moment, because it has a completely
different set of rules for touch that are based on the value and power
dynamics of the relationship.

To be successful, you must also have the proper intention during
each of the three phases mentioned above. For attraction, the proper
intention is to build curiosity. For rapport, the proper intention is to
build a connection and to transfer emotions. And for seduction, the
proper intention is to escalate sexually. If you have both the right
mentality and the right intention, you’re ready to throw time into the

The first step is to be able to recognize what phase you’re in. Most
men understand seduction, but attraction and rapport can be a
little more difficult to deal with. Guys tend to think that they don’t
understand attraction but are pretty good at building rapport, when
in reality it’s usually the other way around. Men typically know a lot
more about attraction than they think they do, and know a lot less
about rapport than they think they do.

A badass knows everything about each one of these phases. He’s
not strong in some areas and weak in others. He is an expert across
the board. You have to work to become the best at what you do,
so study hard until you fully understand how touch must differ in
attraction, rapport, and seduction.

Let’s begin with attraction. Attraction, again, is the phase in which
you build curiosity. As you probably remember, the first stage within
attraction is introduction, the time in which someone first becomes
aware of your existence. This is your default mode, so it should
come as no surprise that your touch during attraction is going to be
your default touch.

Here’s how it works: during attraction, you should have a light hand.
As you build rapport with someone you can have a heavier hand,
especially if you move into seduction, but in the beginning of an
interaction you must be gentle because a woman is not yet sure if
she can trust you. Your touch should also be friendly, playful, and
boy-like, in keeping with the mentality you must maintain during the
attraction phase. Be careful not to move too quickly or the woman
will feel like you’re attacking her. She must feel safe around you if
you want to escalate. The last thing to remember is that touch during
this phase must be fleeting. It can’t linger for too long. The last thing
you want is for a woman to take your hand off her.

Where are you allowed to touch and how long can each touch last during
the phase of attraction? There’s no real rule about where you can and
cannot touch, because every rule I know can be broken if you know how
to fix a situation that goes wrong. When you’re comfortable with all of
the material here, you can skip stages and escalate at a more rapid pace if
you so choose. It takes a tremendous amount of skill and awareness to
skip stages, however, so don’t attempt to do it before you’re ready.

In general, touch during the phase of attraction should last no longer
than 1-3 seconds. Touching longer than that is extremely risky. If
she has to pull your hand off because you’ve allowed your touch
to linger too long, you will be catapulted back to the beginning
of the map of interaction. Every time you’re forced to start over,
the process takes longer and your chances of success decrease
dramatically. At some point, if this keeps happening, the interaction
will be FUBAR – fucked up beyond all repair. There will be no way
to fix the situation, and no point in you trying to do so.

When it comes to where to touch, you should touch on the
extremities but not on the extreme extremities. That means that, to
be on the safe side, you shouldn’t touch a woman’s hand too early on
unless it’s to shake it or give her a high five. Stick to the shoulders,
the triceps, and the upper back area. The four words to keep in
mind, regardless of which of these areas you’re touching, are light,
friendly, safe, and fleeting. The message all of your actions should
send is “I touch a lot, but I’m not going to hurt you in any kind of
way. In fact, I’m going to protect you if something happens.”

As you move forward, you will find yourself in the phase of rapport.
During rapport, you have stopped bantering and have become very
real in an effort to establish an emotional connection with a woman.
Touches should be both lingering and understanding. Whereas
touch during attraction can only last 1-3 seconds, a touch during
rapport can last for 4-7 seconds. The guidelines for where to touch
during this phase depend on whether you are standing or sitting.
When sitting, touching knees is acceptable, as is interlocking fingers
when things become more intimate. While standing, the small of a
woman’s back can be touched. It’s also possible, if you move slowly,
have built a great deal of trust, and are nearing the seduction phase,
to touch the hair, neck, and face during rapport.

As you can probably guess, touch during seduction is more aggressive
and sexual. Be firm, but also be sensual. The difference between
sensual and sexual is simple: the word “sexual” refers to sex, while
the word “sensual” refers to one’s senses. Move your hand around a
woman’s body to heighten her senses (and your own as well). This will
allow her to focus on emotions that will aid in the seduction process.

I know this sounds a little bit mechanical, but you don’t need to be
thinking about why you’re touching a woman in a certain way while
you’re doing it. You just need to know when to turn it on, and when
to turn it off.

You also need to be very careful with your interpretation of the word
“aggressive.” When I use the term, I mean being aggressive while
also having approval. To tell the difference between a woman who
is playing hard-to-get and a woman who actually doesn’t want you
to touch her, look for incongruence in her communication. If she
says “No, stop!” but has positive body language, you must question
further to figure out if she really wants you to quit. It might be
tempting to follow only the signals that her body is sending you, but
you can’t. She doesn’t necessarily want you to continue just because
her body says she does, so be on the safe side and never push too
hard. Take a “No, stop!” seriously, but if she says “We shouldn’t be
doing this,” you don’t have to take it as seriously, especially if she is
still exhibiting positive body language.

When a negative remark is coupled with negative body language,
you’re done. Do not keep attempting to be aggressive. A lot of guys
can’t tell the difference between playing hard-to-get and legitimate
disinterest, so it’s vital that you learn this. Making that mistake – even
just once – will destroy your reputation.

Ultimately, your goal should be to make everyone around you as
comfortable as possible (especially the women you’re attracted to!).
Part of that comfort comes from the amount of time you allow your
touches to linger, as we’ve been discussing. The unusual thing about
seduction is that there is no touching time limit. You should actually
have your hand on a woman for as long as possible during this phase,
even if that means sliding it from one location to another.

So, to recap, touches during attraction must be light, friendly,
safe, and fleeting, and should last for no longer than 1-3 seconds.
Acceptable areas to touch during attraction are: arms, shoulders,
and in some situations, hands. Humans accept touches in those
areas because they are the parts of the body that we are most able to
control, and therefore are most able to pull away quickly if needed.

In rapport, your touches must be lingering and understanding. As
far as everyone is concerned – yourself, the woman, anyone around
you – you are only trying to be a friend. Contact should last from 4
to 7 seconds, and can occur in areas that are more intimate than the
areas touched during attraction, such as the small of the back, the
forearms, and interlocking the fingers. You can also occasionally
touch a woman’s neck during this phase, but keep in mind that when
you do so she is literally putting her life in your hands, so make sure
you don’t attempt to do it until you’ve built up a lot of rapport.

Lastly, think sexual, firm, and sensual during the phase of seduction.
Be aggressive, but not so much so that a woman feels like she needs
to push you away. You’ll need to reassess everything you’ve done if
you ever find yourself in that situation.

When you’ve screwed something up, it’s important to recognize that
you have created a problem so that you can go back and fix it. If
you’ve messed up too many times, however, you will have done so
much damage that the situation cannot be repaired. The last things
that you want are to be overly aggressive or to not be aggressive
whatsoever. Calibrate your aggressiveness well, and follow these rules
as much as possible, because only after you learn to follow the rules
of touch can you start bending them.

Wondering what the consequences of poor calibration are? Acting
too aggressive with a woman will cause obvious problems, so I’m not
going to go over them here, and not being aggressive enough is the
fastest way to condemn yourself to the friend zone.


There are several ways to tell if you are calibrating correctly. During
attraction, a woman will begin to touch you in return if you are
touching her properly. You might notice an increase in random
touches on your shoulder, or she might high-five you back. In the
phase of rapport, lean back and study the woman’s body language.
Did she lean forward? If she did, she’s sending you another positive
signal. Humans tend to lean towards each other while building
rapport in a literal attempt to bridge the gap between them and
build a stronger connection. You’ll know you’re effectively building
rapport if she continues to do this even when you lean back or break
physical contact with her. When you’re in seduction, a woman is
indicating interest if she faces you with her hips when you touch her,
especially if she places her hips against you.
You’ll know you’ve failed to touch a woman properly if she A)
Removes herself from the interaction by walking away, B) Turns
her back on you, especially during rapport or seduction, or C) Takes
your hand off her. When I was studying, I found that a good rule
to live by was “Remove your hand before she removes it.” Use
your peripheral vision to keep an eye on her hands at all times.
Whenever she starts moving them in a way that you think indicates
that she might be about to remove your hand, take your hand off her
immediately, take a step back, and keep talking. Don’t look at your
hand while you do this – in fact, don’t ever look at your hands while
you’re touching. Lots of guys do this, and it ruins the atmosphere of
their touches.

All of that being said, don’t assume that you must end an interaction
just because a woman removes your hand. It’s often a sign that you’re
moving too quickly, not a sign that she wants you to leave her alone.
If this is the case, you’re probably allowing each touch to linger for
too long, or you don’t realize what stage you’re in. You might think
you’re in rapport when you’re actually still in attraction. So don’t
freak out if a woman takes your hand off – as long as she doesn’t
walk away afterwards, she’s just asking you to slow down a little bit.

Being able to recognize what stage you’re in – “seeing the matrix” – is
one of the most important skills you’ll ever learn because it’s useful
in every part of this process, touch included. Pay attention, and
practice, practice, practice. You’ll be able to have a lot more control
over your interactions when you can do this.